And so it begins...

Background

I've been battling with my weight my entire life. At the age of 28 (almost, only 7 weeks til my birthday), I've had the same swimsuit now for going on 8 years. I've been too ashamed to buy a new one.

As a child, and a teenager, I was very big, until I hit the age of 15: despite playing netball and basketball for most of my childhood and early teens, all of a sudden I managed to drop around 20kgs. I was working part time at the local Safeway deli; I would walk to and from work/home; I would walk into town from school (45 minute walk with a heavy backpack); I was playing basketball twice a week, and netball three times a week. I dropped from a size 18 to a size 12 very quickly. I met my future-now-ex husband playing basketball. We started dating when I was 16. Two months after we started dating, I tore the medial ligament in my right knee. I didn't let it heal properly as I was missing my sport too much, and did permanent damage to it. Consequently, playing netball and basketball took too much of a toll and I had to stop altogether. I piled on 30kgs just like that in about 2-3 years. When we married, I was around 90kgs.

Then, three years ago, after only six months of marriage, I left my now ex husband. I was 93kg, and around a size 18-20. Less than three months later, I was down to 80kgs and a size 12-14, and extremely happy with myself.

Had a bit of a bump in the road in mid-late 2009, eating lots of bad food and drinking lots of alcohol.

Then I moved to Melbourne in March 2010. I was living with a couple of mates who were both into fitness; I used them as motivation to start taking care of myself again; my eating habits were back to a balanced diet, with a little bit of the bad every now and again. I was walking during my lunch breaks at work and after work of an evening.

A & I started dating a month after I moved to Melbourne. Life was great! We'd been together for four months and my weight was fluctuating: but I was happy. I fluctuated between 80kg and 85kg up until August 2010, maybe even September 2010. On my birthday (21 August 2010), the back injury happened, and put a stop to exercising. And, to be completely truthful, two years later, I am afraid to move in case I hurt myself again. But no more time for being scared. I am now back up to 93kgs.

Me and junk food: The story so far

The ex was a permanent night shift worker, and I would work until 7 or 8 in the evening, just as he was getting out of bed. Most nights, our dinner would be fast food takeout. Fail.

After I left him, and 3 months later, I was living with friends when I started seeing someone I went to high school with. After all the hard work of losing that weight and clean eating and exercising, my eating habits went back to the way they were, and had a bit of alcohol thrown in for good measure. The guy I was seeing was much the same as my ex in terms of eating habits and metabolism; it didn't matter what he put in his body, he made the walls jealous. Did either of them exercise? No. By Christmas, things with the guy from high school fizzled. I stopped drinking, started eating a little better, and was back living at home with my parents after a quick trip to the UK.

The last weekend in May 2011, I had my last Filet-o-Fish. Since then, I have had: Oporto - twice, KFC - nil, McDs - nil, HJ - nil, RR - nil. Pretty good record, what do you think?

However, up until just a month ago, A used to work in a pizza shop and would get pizza sent home with him for dinner. Eating pizza or pasta 3-4 times a week as your dinner between 9pm & midnight, followed with a dessert, not good. A also works at a Melbourne takeaway food chain, and seriously, those chips are TO DIE FOR. To die for. But, I don't eat a lot of it (it's super tasty but expensive and addictive).

Now

Fast forward to April 2012: my best friend's little brother (aged 24) is killed in a car accident on Easter Sunday. I lost two kilos very quickly as a result of grief, but it was then that I decided to try again to the best of my ability to shift the weight.

I weighed myself for the first time in a long time with a dedicated goal to lose weight. Until Easter Sunday, I weighed 98kg. I weighed myself 10 days later (2 days after the funeral), and I weighed 97kg. The following week, 96kg. The next 3kgs were harder to lose: though still grieving, I still had to continue with my university studies. My vice when studying is what A and I call 'hands on sugar' (ie. lollies, chocolate; stuff that comes in a bag and you can just have beside you and grab when you 'need'). Study coupled with grief = lots of hands on sugar.

It was also around this time that I decided (after discussing with A) that I come off some medication. I remembered that when I left my ex, I wasn't on this medication, and it made weight loss a lot easier. Once I stopped with the meds two months ago, I managed to lose another 3kgs. However, it's not all because of the meds. I made a conscious decision: I needed to shift this weight, regardless of my physical abilities.

I'm rediscovering that I can lose weight on my own. Smaller portion sizes; recognising that I am getting full and that I don't have to finish what is on the plate in front of me; not eating sugary, fatty foods; snacking on healthier things. 

I printed up a chart with the numbers 100 through to 60 for me to write the dates in when I reach each kilo lost. I've stuck it to the wall with blu-tac above the scales in the bathroom, and weigh in every Wednesday morning. 60kg is not necessarily my goal weight, but I thought 40kg was a good even number to have on the chart!

Anyway, since A became store manager, I've had to start cooking again. Because I hate cooking, this means I am meal planning. A is home much earlier, meaning we are eating at a normal, reasonable hour - yay! We're sharing the cooking, and (like always) preparing meals from fresh ingredients; and I am trying recipes to expand my non-existent repertoire.

The last week or two have been tough though as I've had tonsillitis - a diet consisting mainly of ice cream and jelly, and then bloating. But, I maintained, gained and lost! Hurrah!

Mission: Swimsuit

If you've made it this far, thank you! I do like to tell a bit of a story, I like people to feel like they are living or can relate to what I'm saying. Three days ago, I almost booked a domestic holiday for A and I. I decided against it though as I didn't know where to book. When I told A this, he wasn't excited by a domestic holiday, but wanted to head OS! We set ourselves a goal to go OS this time in 2013, to Thailand specifically! This set me in motion to really get rid of these unwanted kilos. I want to wear a bikini in Thailand! Maybe slightly ambitious, but at least a new swimsuit, and one that I feel good in.

Given that I lost 5kg in just over two months, I feel that losing 10-15kgs by New Year's Eve is not unrealistic. I'll decide then if I want to go further and lose another 10-15kg.

I'm going to try and remember to post here daily, weekly at the very least.

Major goals

June/July 2013 - wear a bikini for the first time in my life

December 31, 2012 - have a new swimsuit and have lost 10-15kgs, meaning I will weigh 78-83kg

Bi-monthly goals

July 1 - August 31 - lose 5kgs, bringing me to 88kg

September 1 - October 31 - lose 5kgs, bringing me to 83kg

November 1 - December 31 - lose 5kgs, bringing me to 78kg

My Weight Fluctuation: 2008-2012