Things just don't seem to go the way I planned.

A few months ago, I started trying to work towards losing more weight for my 30th birthday. I tracked for almost 5 weeks straight, then I missed a day of tracking and struggled to keep up, so I gave up with the tracking after a few days of trying to pick it back up. My heart just wasn't in it. No, that's a lie. I wanted so desperately to do it, but found that my time was ridiculously limited. I knew that this year was going to be difficult but I didn't realise how little time I would have (she says to you writing a blog post instead of writing for an assignment).

The thing is, those 35 days that I did track, everything was great! I lost centimetres and got back to under 80kg. Proof is that tracking really helps to keep me on track. I need something to get me going and keep me motivated though. There are just 79 days until I celebrate my 30th birthday, though I turn 30 three days before the planned celebrations. I'm still hovering around the 79-80kg mark but I had wanted to lose more.
Do I have any Melbourne friends who want to walk with me once or twice a week? I would love the company, and it will give me the motivation to get out of my chair and onto the footpaths to try and lose at least some centimetres, and some weight thrown in would be great. A doesn't always like to go for a walk, so I can't rely on him too much.

07 May 2014

Body Part	Measurement
Neck	34.5cm / 13.58"
Upper Arm	32cm /12.59"
Bust	105cm / 41.338"
Underbust	88.5cm / 34.8"
Waist	87cm / 34.252"
Hips	117cm / 46"
Thigh	63cm / 24.803"
Total Body Weight	79.5kg / 174.9lb

I've had a seriously, ridiculously shitty month so I'm expecting tomorrow's measurements to absolutely suck. There has been so much sugar consumed it's not even funny. I caught sight of my reflection a few times in shop windows and was so completely embarrassed. Embarrassed to the point I wanted to cry. It's not even the fact that it's cold and I want comfort food, I am just so overwhelmed with everything going on at uni that I'm turning to chocolate. Not good at all.

Along with the birthday weight loss desire, over the next 18 months, I've got one graduation, and four weddings to attend, one of which I'm involved in orchestrating: we're engaged! A took me by surprise and had the moment captured by our good friend who's an amateur photographer.
There's a bit of a story to it, but I'll see if you can figure it out. A picture is worth a thousand words they say, so how do you think this story went? Find out here.
We're taking our time with planning, just focusing on our studies right now.

That's all from me for now. Hope you're keeping warm this winter!

A lot can happen in two years.

Two years ago tomorrow, my best friend's life was turned upside down. Two years ago tomorrow is the day we remember my best friend's little brother. Two years ago today was the day that changed my life.

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A week ago, my girlfriend and I started using MFP again. She's just had a baby (in January), and I want to lose weight to feel awesome at my 30th birthday in August. 

In April 2012, something changed in my life that I never imagined. I lost someone I loved. If you've read this blog before, you will know just how much he meant to me. Losing him sparked something in me, and prompted me to change my lifestyle.
Tonight, I write this post at 81kg. I've put on 3kg since my epic loss, (I lost 20kg) but that's okay. It's just over 10% of my loss, and I can lose it again.

I need to tighten my belt a lot in what I consume. I took my measurements today and while I'm not surprised, I'm still disappointed in myself. Weigh in is now Monday, and measurement day is the 7th of each month.

07 April 2014

Body Part	Measurement
Neck	34.5cm / 13.58"
Upper Arm	34cm /13.38"
Bust	107cm / 42"
Underbust	89cm / 35"
Waist	89cm / 35"
Hips	117cm / 46"
Thigh	63.5cm / 25"
Total Body Weight	81kg / 178.5lb

I'm not going to be writing here as often as my last journey, or my attempted journeys. I'm doing my honours year at uni, as well as my final year. This year is my fourth and fifth years at uni, all rolled into one. Crazy, you say? Yes, yes I am. And at the end I'll have a marvellous piece of paper, industry experience under my belt, and be happy that my life is going in a positive direction.

Here's a couple of photos for you from the first quarter of the year so you can see how I'm looking.

Sunday, 2 February 2014: Alex's brother's wedding
Hair & Make-up by Candice De Ville

Thursday, 13 March 2014: Collins234 Boutique Place Fashion Event

Wednesday, 26 March, 2014: A's graduation ceremony, MCC The Plenary 

Friday, 4 April 2014: Melbourne International Comedy Festival

Two years ago tomorrow, my best friend's life was turned upside down. Two years ago tomorrow is the day we remember my best friend's little brother. Two years ago tomorrow was the day that changed my life.

What happens when you're sick...

...is that you are so pissed at the world for a. making A sick on his holidays, b. then passing it on to me, and have it hang around for 2.5 weeks, and c. you have so much going on that you don't actually have time to rest and get better.

I woke up yesterday and felt so incredibly wonderful for the first time since Thursday 14 November 2013. Yup, it really was that long. Such a pain to be so ill, but not much can be done about it now.
In that two and a half weeks, once A was better, we rearranged the entire house. Thank goodness it's a large 1 bedroom apartment! While he did most of the furniture-moving, I supervised and helped out when he couldn't do it on his own. I also unpacked and strategically placed items and things from bookshelves etc. which was fairly draining. I'm still in the process of decluttering, but hopefully now that my energy stores are near on being replenished, I'll be able to attack it with ease and enthusiasm and get our little place back to tip top condition.

I haven't felt much like eating whilst sick, or stepping out of my pyjamas, but I had to do both, on occasion.
But, before I got sick, we went to Geelong for a haircut. We can both get our hair cut in Geelong for, on average, less than I can in Melbourne. 
This is what my hair was looking like pre-cut: a side fringe masquerading as a front fringe with ends going every which way. 

Here I am, day of cut (below), waiting in the car to head into A's doctor's appointment. Ironically, it was after this trip that he became ill (we were visiting for something unrelated).

For the first time in 5 years, I have a front fringe. And in this photo, I'm sporting my natural hair colour. The previous one still had a wee bit of colour from when I coloured my hair in March.
Three days later, on the Thursday, I coloured my hair. I was expecting my hair to become similar to the middle shade, based on the approximation of the colour sampler on the pack.

This is after applying the colour and washing out the excess.

It's not even close to ANY of the colour samples pictured. I wanted to be a light amber auburn, not deep auburn bordering mahogany! 
This was also the day that I got sick. Thursday 14 November was clearly not my day.

I had two interviews for uni placement during that time. I wasn't successful with one, and still waiting to hear from the other.
I'm becoming more confident in my skin (even if I have put on a few kilos) and wearing clothes I'm comfortable in. Behold outfit selfies.

Interview One outfit - cold and miserable; 21 November

Interview Two outfit - warm and sunshiny; 26 November

Five days between interviews and two completely different climates. Anyone would think I live in Melbourne.

By Saturday, 30 November, I was starting to feel much chipper, and gladly so as our beautiful friends married that day (see A and I with The Bride below). I wore the same dress I wore to Interview Two, only I froze all day, so also wore a beautiful shawl that I picked up at Forever New DFO what feels like a million years ago, but in reality was less than four.
'Twas an intimate and loving gathering, and one we feel very blessed to have been a part of. As The Bride and The Groom said in their vows, til death, or zombies, do us part.
The food, ambience, and mocktails at Centonove were beyond anything I could imagine. Just sensational. The portions were perfect, the dishes were perfect, and the service was amazing. All the fluids I consumed (no booze; mocktails and water only) made me feel super full, and super fat! Talk about fluid retention.

A, me, The Bride

'Twas late in the eve when this was taken, and my fringe was falling out of its curl, but it's still a beautiful picture!

Post weekend, despite hardly eating a thing given all the festivities (there was also a post-wedding barbeque on Sunday), all I could see was fat. Fat everywhere. My clothes agree. Garments are a touch on the snug side in some places, and not particularly flattering.
So, it's back on MFP for me. Day two of tracking and I haven't missed a thing yet. Today I was ravenous though, so when A walked through the door with cold chips and schnitzel after work, we demolished them. Not something I'm proud of but we don't have much in the way of food at the moment. I also think my body is trying to reclaim nutrients it missed out on whilst sick. Anyways, into MFP they go.

So, a bit of ramblings, not my usual style, but that's what's been going on in my life these last few weeks.
Wednesday Weigh In tomorrow, so will report back then.
For now, it's time to hit the hay!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

I really need to find my mojo for writing and keeping on the weight loss bandwagon. Not that I've gained, I'm actually doing quite well at maintaining/fluctuating.

For anyone who does read what I write, thank you, and my apologies for the sporadic posts. I was never good with keeping a diary as a young'un, so I really don't hold out much for this blog, either. We'll see.

Last time round, I said that I'd explore the question of when something is too much further. Three months have passed and I really can't remember what I was going to continue with. My bad. 

We're now in to the sixth month of the year, which is really quite scary. I keep making (and breaking) all these promises to myself that "I will get my weight loss mojo back", "I will start meal planning again", "I will be more focused", but so far, they're not happening.

I've lost 20kgs. Am I proud of myself? Bet your bottom dollar I am. But right now, I'm at a stage in my life where I am REALLY happy being where I am. Sure, I want to lose more weight, I want to get rid of this freaking stomach (that's my problem area), but overall, I'm happy. I'm content. I know I need to make improvements in areas, and I need to make the time to meal plan again (right now, it's the end of semester (fact: three months since I've written, and for those three months I've been underground with uni work. Coincidence?) so I'm crazy busy with study), and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get that action plan happening once it's all over.

Yesterday was the first of June. I took my measurements (in centimetres) for the first time since 27 August 2012. Have a look, tell me what you think. I know what I think.

So, until next time. Who knows when that will be. Next time, I might even have some then and now pictures for you to.
In the meantime though, head on over to Little Goldfish Invitations & Stationery. It's my biz page. I'm really focusing on building my biz so that when I have times like these (in case you didn't know, my back has been on the fritz and had me out of action for 3-4 weeks now) I know that I can still have a stream of income of some sort.

Don't lose sight of your goals, and don't let anyone tell you that you can't achieve anything. Believe in yourself and you will go anywhere you want.

At what point is something "too much"?

Warning: probably no images in this post.

On Saturday, A and I took my little business to a market. It was very slow going in terms of traffic and sales. People took my business card, so we'll see what comes of that.
When you're at markets, you tend to talk to the stallholders around you - after all, you're all there for the same thing and that is to promote your wares and get your name out there. Oh, and maybe sell some stuff and make some cash.

Somehow, I got to talking to the lady next to me (who sold earrings and necklaces) about my weight loss. She did not hide the fact that she was in her 50s, 51 I believe she said she was, and that she's lost 10kg since cutting out sugar from her diet. I told her how I have lost almost 20kgs, and she asked how I did it. I told her MFP, subtle and not so subtle changes in eating habits, and a little exercise when I could. She was very impressed, and went on to say that she reckons she's been dieting ever since she's been 12. Now, although I'm on the road to self-improvement, it's not my place to comment on someone's appearance and goals unless asked. Our conversation was continuing and I mentioned how I would like to lose another 10kg. 
This lady wears plus-sized clothing, has her own designer-recycled plus-sized clothing store, and is herself trying to lose weight.
I was absolutely flabbergasted to say the least to her reaction when I told her about wanting to lose another 10kg. She told me I would look anorexic and disgusting. Anorexic. Disgusting. What!? In my confusion, and wanting to keep the peace, I fumbled and stumbled over my words and said "Thank you, I take that as a compliment, I guess."
ANOREXIC AND DISGUSTING.

Her comments plagued me for the rest of the day, so much so that I need to write about it, and brings me to the question: At what point is something "too much"?

I've lost 18kg since 18 April 2012. I'm plateauing. I'm stressed. How do I know I'm stressed? I'm eating pizza and other carby carbs in the same day. I'm eating carby carbs multiple times a week. The scales aren't budging, so I'm not doing anything about it. I know I need to be, but my head isn't in the right space. I have f*cked around saying this that and the other about why I haven't lost any weight for a while, but fact of the matter is that there are other things in my life that are placing stress on me right now (really, I am okay, it's nothing I can't handle) and although I did develop this awesome habit of eating healthily and keeping track, it's slowly sliding away and all that goes with it.
Shit, there's no denying that I don't want that weight to pile back on. F*ck no. I would be so utterly depressed, devastated and angry at myself. Only I can pull myself out of this rut. But when?

Moving forward. Enough digression. Back to the question: At what point is something "too much?"

Background on me

Height: 156cm/5'2"
Start Weight - April 2012: 98kg
Current Weight - March 2013: 80kg
Start BMI: 40 - Obese
Current BMI: 32 - Obese
Ideal weight for my height: 45 - 61kg
Ideal BMI for my height: 18.5 - 25 - Healthy
(information calculated at Heart Foundation Australia)

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This image here to the left (click on it, make it bigger, don't strain your eyes!) is where I was in April 2012 (and if I'm not careful, with the way I'm going, will end up back there :( ).

Now, BMIs are to be taken with a grain of salt - even the Heart Foundation website says so. However, health care professionals tend to judge you based on these numbers.
A tells me all the time I have an athletic build: my shoulders are broad, I have muscly calves and upper arms (I'd like to say my thighs are muscly but I'm sure it's cellulite/fat), however I always wonder if that's right.
I conferred with a girlfriend, R, who confirmed my suspicions - I'm an hourglass. I'd almost go so far as to say I'm a neat/perfect hourglass. It's very hard to tell your shape from any of these BMI images though as they're quite generic.
So, back to the hourglass. I'm balanced on top and bottom with a slender waist - got to love writing those words about myself. Despite this, I still have a tummy. It's my biggest problem area. And (cardinal sin, I know), of late, I've noticed it's getting just that little bit more rotund: clothing/underwear is a little more snug around the tum-tum, which means I've let myself get out of the good habits. OH NO!
I started this post on Saturday. It's taken up lots of my thought processes, distracted me from uni homework (oops...), and is taking far too long to write. Sometimes, that happens though. 

On Sunday, as much of an awful thing that it is, I feel like I was given a second chance at this weight loss game. A had a very major car accident just 300m from home. He's okay, not a scratch on him, but I can't say the same for our car. We're assuming that it's a write-off. Not so much fun there. Car hunting, bleurgh. However, as poor uni students, we're going to take our time and save up to get something half decent. If that means we're without a car for 12 months, so be it. Where we live, we have the tram 300m away (pretty much where A had his accident, give or take a few metres), the bus that goes directly to A's work is 500m away, and the train is 700m away. Car, schmar. Did I mention the environmental benefits, too? We're now carless, and doing our bit even more. A's thinking about getting a bicycle for his main mode of transport, and as for me, well I've been relying on Melbourne's PT network for almost 2 years now. Piece of cake. 
Now, how do I feel as though I've been given a second chance at weight loss? We're now forced to take more sustainable modes of transport. Walking, cycling, PT. Now that there isn't a car, I can't get A to pick me up from work, I have to walk 1km from work to the train station and vice versa. In walking from home --> station, station --> work, I will clock up 3.4km a day. 


With that in mind, this is what I currently look like, according to The Heart Foundation's BMI calculator. I really can't see too much of a difference in these images, which is total crap, because on my body, I can. As you can also see, I'm just two categories away from no longer being obese. Instead, my goal of 70kg will be classed as being overweight! Ha! Anyway, back to this second chance. It's a damned awful situation as to why I'm getting serious again - ironic though, the first reason I decided to do this weight loss thing was because of the loss of a loved one in a car accident. After A's smash, I realised that it could have been much worse, and that we needed to begin to look after ourselves again (even he's got a bit of a pot belly happening, sorry honey!). I know we could have made better choices, but all that hot weather we had here in Melbourne recently really tugged at our desire for ice cream. We couldn't give in. We didn't have it every night, but frequently. Throw in a few too many pizza orders, and you got yourself a nice, big, bloated stomach that will stick around for quite a while to come. Unless you're ready to do something about it.

A while back, I said that I was ready to do this again. In fact, I may have said it a couple of times. Pish posh. Nothing happened, clearly. I'm still fluctuating between 80 and 81 kilograms. For the most part, it's around 80.5kg. I'm okay with that. And there's my problem - I am okay with that. Being okay with something when you want to be somewhere else is really not a good thing. You need to change that mindset. You need to readdress where you're headed and how you'll get there. Well, I think I managed to find that train again. 

Today, for the first time in I don't know how long, I logged my food on MFP. Holy shit, any wonder I am plateauing in a major way - I ate twice today. TWICE. I used to eat SIX times a day. I would guzzle water like it went out of fashion, and I would be in bed before midnight. Well, I'm in bed before midnight right now, but I have the computer on writing this, when I really should be reading articles for discussion at 11:30am tomorrow. Old Hollie's habits are really coming back with a vengeance. Not good at all. Hopefully the fact that I have outwardly said so will keep me in check.

On that note, I should probably get back to reading my articles, but I leave you with this: At what point is something "too much"?
In the next post, I'll explore this some more.
Night!